3:2:15 Sigh of Relief

3:1:43 A Win

It’s time to smile for a brief moment.

(Insert Picture Above)

A few hours ago when I nearly cried for the 3^rd time at work, 1^st time in front of HR. Was a win. I know this blog is supposed to be an outlet for what’s happened to me recently, but let’s face it: I haven’t been thinking about it(him) often… That’s a lie, I still think about him from time to time <worst at night>. But I haven’t been thinking about the sadness, the memories, the x, y and z. I have nothing to expect from him anymore so maybe that’s why(?)

Anyway. Why is it a win, my self-conscious asks? Well 5 hours after I briefly spoke to HR, going around all of my bosses, and asking for an answer in a semi-little-girl-whispering-&-teary-eyed-voice. I may have an account soon. I may have a purpose again at work, rather than waiting it out for grad school. I may be actually happy at work rather than doing other peoples’ jobs. I may have a better distraction than perhaps slightly glancing at someone’s social media sites and feeling kind of uncomfortable. Within 5 measly hours, I have more of a direction than the last 2 months of waiting around, back and forth emails and feeling incomplete in an area of my life.

I knew I wasn’t going to be complete when I was with him. Maybe that’s why both of it is a win? Maybe that’s why I want it happening to be a win?

2:23:11 Bang, Bang, Bang

Color Explosion Photography by Alan Sailer

2:20:50 Crackle

I almost just cried in front of HR. Rough life. I got tired of waiting for my bosses to make a move and had to take things into my own hands. However, that merely resulted in a crackled voice from this girl – asking the process of switching accounts. I can’t tell if it had anything to do with him or if I desperately want him to be an excuse.

I couldn’t say what I was thinking
My heart shrinking
Two sad sparks blinking in the sun
Wait one minute
I had to listen for it
It was hidden in the fall

Wild Cub – Thunder Clatter

 

2:06:30 Clarity Will Seep In Eventually